The Avengers “He’s Adopted” Controversy
While shattering box office records, Marvel’s The Avengers, has come under fire for what I thought was a throw-away joke in the film. The dialogue in question is as follows:
Thor: Have care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard. And he’s my brother.
Black Widow: He killed 80 people in 2 days.
Thor: He’s adopted.
The Internet and some news media organizations are abuzz with criticism for this and a petition has sprung up from an adoption advocacy group demanding an apology from Marvel for offending those who are adopted. As somebody who was adopted myself, I feel very qualified when I offer my own take:
Lighten up.
The line was clearly a joke and it was delivered well. You know what I did as an adopted person when I heard it? I laughed then promptly forgot about it as the movie progressed. I had to be told that it was supposed to be offensive to me. I will grant that as somebody in my 30s, I’m far less likely to to feel that my own self worth is being challenged by a 5 second clip in a movie but that does raise a question I have about those who are clamoring how offensive this is to children.
Why are you bringing children young enough to cry from this to a PG-13 movie? More importantly, and this will sound a bit mean, but why are parents even allowing their adopted kids to have the notion in the first place that they’re somehow less valuable if they’re adopted? When I was a child, I thought about the fact I was adopted maybe…once a week? If that? I understand that I might be atypical in the lack of interest I have always had in finding my biological parents, my sister is also adopted and ended up finding hers and found it beneficial, but there’s never been a real question of who my “real parents” are. When asked by others if I want to know who my “real parents” are I tell them I already have them. I’m with my real parents and I’m grateful to my biological ones. That’s that.
I do feel sympathetic when I’ve seen comments about kids who got upset about the line that the implication is that they’re less valuable as adopted but isn’t that a teaching moment? A chance for the parents to explain why it was just a joke, maybe even one in poor taste (though I didn’t find it to be personally) and why families with adopted kids are no different than biological ones? From experience, I can recommend that you explain early about adoption, why it happened and how it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to the strength or value of a family. You shouldn’t be allowing a movie to raise that question for you.
I would like to address something I did find offensive. An article in the Washington Post used something called the Substitution Game where to determine if something that was questionable was wrong, to substitute the word “Jewish” or “African-American” for it to see if it still works. Obviously, doing that with the Avengers line makes it horrible. But the implication of this is what? That adoption is on the same level as being Jewish or African-American? I’m adopted and even I find that offensive and ludicrous. How often do adopted kids get persecuted? Denied civil rights? Suffer generations of oppression? At most, we get teased in school briefly. Once you’re an adult, it never comes up unless you decide to bring it up and even then it’s an interesting point of trivia about yourself, not something to worry about.
I’d appreciate any comments. Am I way off base? I recognize that my own experiences may not be the norm and I might be missing the point. I guess I can see why it could be taken as offensive but I still feel like most of the ones upset by it need to just lighten up and take a joke. Trust me, Joss Whedon wasn’t intending to insult you personally, nor was a fictional character from another planet.
atticusmj
Eptorgan
pixytales
Eptorgan's Editorials 
When I was a little child I was often teased about being adopted…by my older brother…and I was NOT adopted (not that there would be anything wrong with that). You see, my little sister and I are both blue-eyed blonds, and were born into a family in which both parents and all three older siblings had brown eyes, brown hair, and olive complexions. To many outside observers it appeared that lil’ sis and I had been adopted straight out of Norway. We were a novelty, and my next older sibling did not like it one bit Lyle, was six years older than me. He came into this world with a black eye and both fists doubled up, seemingly ready to take on life’s battles, and he was as cute as a bug’s nose. The story is told of Lyle passing by my bassinet while growling and shaking those still doubled up fists at me. The darling little six-year-old was no longer the center of attention, and the spotlight would remain on the two little blondies for years to come. Perhaps that jealousy and sense of displacement is why my big brother was mean to me and teased me practically endlessly.
Eptorgan’s insightful editorial about The Avengers adoption controversy took me back to the day in my childhood when I learned I could stand up to for myself. (I must say here that Lyle really did love me and I secretly worshiped him. I was certain of his love for me when he, as a teen-ager, started inviting me into his world by asking me to come out into the yard to “go out for a pass” or play catch with him.) But as a little child it infuriated me when he teased me about being adopted, and I’m certain it’s because there had been no family dialogue about adoption and in the 50’s adoptions were very secret, quite unlike the healthy, open atmosphere that surrounds adoption today. To a young child, things that are secret are usually mysterious and scary.
One day, I must have been about 10 years old, Lyle was yet again pestering me with his adoption routine, but this time a valid response just popped into my mind. I planted my hands firmly on my hips and retorted, “Well I guess that means they CHOSE me and got STUCK with you!!” He never used that routine on me again. Cha-ching!
Adoption did end up playing a very large role in my life. I am the proud mother of two incredible, adopted children. And I proudly acknowledge that I am the real mother of the talented writer of this blog. Nice work, Eptorgan!